Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
pop tarts are not kleenex
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
