im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
