We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
