i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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