Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
