it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
