TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
