Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the condom got lost in my hair
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
