i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
