Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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