I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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