hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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