Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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