Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
