forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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