i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
