so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
In America we eat man semen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
