i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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