HIV tests are more positive than that guy
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
