I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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