Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
