you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
