The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
