i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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