Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize