if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
