when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
