I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
