I want to make a zoo with you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
