I'm drive I can fine osifer
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
