i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
