I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
