Plan B is the new Plan A
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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