We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
