My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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