I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
