The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
