I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
