Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize