I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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