my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
