We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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