btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
