Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
