Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
