Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
