I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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