I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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