i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
