I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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