Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
did i walk over a car last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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