I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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