Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
