y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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