i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
