Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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