dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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