Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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