Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
