There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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