God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
