Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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