she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
