i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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