I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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