A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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