I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
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Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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