he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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