The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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