Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
